Can you see how I just went full philosophical on you?
So as I am the uncle you love talking down at you, allow me to help you spot some mistakes y'all make while going out that land you either in someone's defecate list, in a police car or worse, in hospital.
You see, going out is fun and we all like having fun with our pals, meeting new people and get to see the nightlife Nairobi has to offer but that is where it should end. And I am here to help you ensure your night out ends with you getting back home safe after a night out.
#1. Avoid getting hammered
Do not get sloshed. Fam, that song about being so dirunky baibey is just that, a song. Do not be that girl who everyone has to interrupt their fun to take care of.
Drink responsibly, do not end up too hammered to have any fun. Do not end up blaming anything on the booze.
#2. Avoid running out of money
Come prepared. You do not want to be that guy who has to figure out how to go get more money from the ATM or Mpesa while assuring the waitress you aren't trying to wine and ditch. You do not want to have to be accompanied by the bouncer to go get money and you certainly do not want to have to explain to your homies and all the lasses that you are the cheapskate who needs them to bail you out.
#3. Avoid the loud mouth picking fights
Sometimes, there is a belligerent idiot who you can just tell is looking for a fight. The way he is prancing about, the way he is bumping into people, he is definitely looking for a fight.
Other nights, it's a lass with a horrible attitude yelling and shouting about getting her boyfriend to deal with you - treat them the way you do chokora, avoid eye contact and ignore.
#4. Avoid drunk driving
Seriously, you want to get home safely. Get one of these taxi-hailing services to drop you home. The idea is to have a blast and not go back home (to heaven or hell depending on whether you are like me) in a blast!
#5. Avoid alcohol
