Welcome to the latest episode of simping.
After God, fear women! These people will string you along only to break you into pieces and there's nothing you can do about that.
It's on a Monday afternoon, you might want that glass of juice while we talk about this. Some of you are so tired after a long weekend of simping and clowning for these daughters of Jezebel in the name of love.
Well, take heart and rest, the weekend comes so fast and she will call you wanting to be treated out, huh! Let's start this discussion already because I'm in a bit of a time crunch. Men, what are the worst zones that a woman has ever placed you in?
Problem solver zone/ guardian angel zone
You are her low key guardian or surety. She only contacts you when she is having money problems, she is stuck somewhere. She needed her hair and nails done, she called and said she is in a bit of an emergency and just like the simp that you are, you emptied your Mpesa to fix her 'emergency.'
Anytime time you want to shoot your shot, she drops a a bombshell on you, " I only see you as a friend, nothing more."
Bae zone
In this zone, you call each other sweet and enchanting words like babe- Romeo and Juliet have nothing on you. Chocolate-box emojis decorate your online conversations.
'Aki love wewe.' She sees you as a 'bachelor attention emissary' while you think of yourself as 'BEFORE ANYONE ELSE' when she calls you bae. Keep the positive energy bro.
To make matters worse, her boyfriend knows your existence but regards you as a non- issue.
No strings attached zone
Under one moment of weakness and heated passion, you decide she is your ideal woman and want to engage her, but she is quick to gaslight you that, this is a contract of coital joys and don't be up in your feels."
You cannot be in my bed and in your feelings, choose one. In fact, get out!" Your sorry self goes for a walk and lick some glucose so you can keep up simping after your rest.
Bro zone
These are the same ladies Bruno Mars was catching a grenade for. Even if you move heaven and earth for her you will always be the brother she never had.
You are luck she didn't call you the son she wishes to have, no offense! When you're around her, she takes a good girl role to leave you smitten by her good girl charms.
Just like the sucker for love that you are, you're guarding her as if your life depends on her survival. Wait, your life depends on it!
Bestie zone
Psychologist and therapist of the year award goes to you. You are readily available to cancel her about her relationship dramas.
You got a big shoulder to lean on when she is feeling low and heartbroken and a fluffy handkerchief to wipe her tears with. Cheers to the best friend of the year!
I don't know what we are zone
One minute you are cuddling and canoodling, going out on dates, doing what lovers do generally and the next you stuck in what are we situation?She is on time to get a piece of you because you are good at what you do, then later hitting you with a 'I don't know what we are ' crap when she feels cornered. You are just a standby frog till she finds MR. RIGHT.
Let me here your views on the kind of zones you have ever been placed as a man.
