Expert-Seek professional help when planning to remarry

Wanjiku Waititu said this will help avoid dragging the burdens of the previous relationship into the new one.

Couple on wedding day.
Image: Nathan Dumlao for Unsplash

Many people still desire remarriage despite the rising divorce and separation rates in the nation in an effort to start a happy family.

3,784 divorce cases were filed in magistrate courts nationwide in the recent fiscal year that ended in June 2022, while 1,820 cases were submitted at Kadhi courts, according to statistics from the State of the Judiciary Annual Report (SOJAR).

Misuse and cruelty, violence, adultery, failure to provide support, desertion, conversion to another faith, denial of conjugal rights, infertility, drug and alcohol abuse, and unjustified polygamy are among the top grounds for divorce claimed by partners.

But before you venture into this new relationship, have you healed from the previous one?

Marriage and relationship therapist Wanjiku Waititu says it is crucial for anyone planning to remarry to seek professional help to avoid dragging the burdens of the previous relationship into the new one.

“Ask yourself this pertinent question, what baggage am I coming in with from the previous relationship, have I healed to accommodate the new person in my life?" Wanjiku posed.

She said if those things are not addressed one will keep on jumping from one relationship to the other until that day one will heal from grudges.

“It is very wrong to venture into this new relationship if you have not psychologically prepared your children that they will be having a new mother or father if you had,” Wanjiku said.

“Children's mental well-being is very crucial, make sure that they are aware of the new person and remember not to use your relatives to convey the message.” 

According to the marriage therapist, if your children are below 18 years you can use a child therapist to introduce the new person to them, but if they are above 18 years, you can use certified counselors to deliver the message.

“You cannot prioritise the new person, your child's mental health should come first, let them know in advance,” Wanjiku said.

She said age difference should not hinder you from marrying.

“Age is just but a number. Unless he or she is almost twice your age there is no problem marrying them as long as you have the same interests and you can get along well, carry on,” Wanjiku said.

She also advised those seeking to remarry to solve their issues as they come and avoid societal advice and pressure on how to run their marriage unless it adds value to their relationship.