Relationships can be a minefield to navigate.
“Boy” meets “girl”, boy likes girl, boy pursues girl. Boy gets heartbroken and vows never to put his heart out and oh look, a new hotter girl and the cycle repeats itself.
But let’s assume for argument’s sake that boy woos girl and gets her. Now they have a relationship that though it starts off with a lot of gusto and joy, soon becomes tedium.
The new relationship energy, NRE, wears off. That is when you are confronted with not only the idea of “who” your partner is but “what” they are. You move beyond getting to know who your partner is and how they package all that and have to deal with the realizations of what thoughts, cognitive biases and experiences inform the person they are and the choices they make.
So I spoke to two individuals I consider grounded, two individuals I consider level headed about the best dating advice they have ever received.
Lyndah Nyangweso is a married woman so she is a strong position to give advice -it worked for her and continues to. And Chito Ndhlovu, a bachelor who can talk to boys and men in a language they will understand.
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart – Nelson Mandela
When I talked to Lyndah Nyangweso she told me,
if he talks sh*t about his exes or mom, believe him, that’s the kind of person he is. he will talk sh*t about you too
And Chito Ndhlovu had a bit more to share on the matter. He said,
Best dating advice I ever got. Love is a choice you make every day of your life. You choose to love the person you are in a relationship with or married to every day. You make that choice by speaking their love language very well, you choose to love them by making time for them, you choose to love them by showing up for them when they need you. The fairytale is just that a fairytale you have to put the work in love.